1st-Day Syndrome

Aren't first days murderously nerve-wracking? Whether this day be the start of a long-standing relationship with a prospective boss, a romantic interest, or a probable soul mate, it all boils down to one thing--- first days are the only days I know to cause adrenaline-release due to the fight or flight syndrome.

I get that it is human nature to fear the new and unfamiliar. What I don't get about first days is the occurrences of mid-something-pseudo-first-days like Mondays after weekends, etc. It's like getting a taste of vacation, only to wake up to the ugly reality that it's only until you get settled enough that it is already 11 pm and that tomorrow is the start of another work week. The painful bottom-line to weekends or mid-term breaks is that there isn't enough time in them to actually get totally settled in and be 100% complacent that the heaps of paperwork you left didn't double in number. 

It's like faking an orgasm. The pictures we get of ourselves lying down on hammocks on some uncharted island surrounded by the pristine waters of the ocean is contrived. Yes, they look like photo-finish versions of magazine clippings, but truly they are as good as they get. Again, fake orgasm. Behind every picture taken are reality bite marks of unpaid credit cards (for the plane ticket and accommodation), of nagging thoughts of unfinished paperwork waiting to get accomplished once and for all, of the tedious act of packing and unpacking, of the long lines at the airport (which, by the way, aren't as modern and posh as how the silver screen had painted them). It's like getting on the plane without actually looking forward to the trip but to the tons of work left at home. Who's going to feed the dog? Had I unplugged all the sockets? Did I shut tight the dripping faucets? How many call slips will I get when I return from the trip? Did my secretary report for work?  Are the kids alright? These and a chug of flaming blowjob are enough to send a busybody to kingdom come.

Another crappy truth about first days is the feeling it draws out from you especially during cold mornings. What could be more perfect a day than to find yourself waking up to your first Monday morning, knowing that it would be that first of many other Mondays to follow? While your mind tells you to get your butt in the shower, the lower half of your body says, "Stay under the covers. It's warmer in here." While you know it's sane to get going so you won't report in late, the coffee machine will never cooperate at this time of the day. You get in the car, you drive down the bleak path towards a long week of noise, of paperwork, of insurgent subordinates, etc. The list never ends.

Just last week I was switching channels, there came on a commercial ad of a man doing what seemed to me was a tai-chi maneuver. Underwater, he looked perfectly serene and calm. That state of calmness was the type that would enable one to sleep through armageddon. And then I knew: that was peace. The TV annotator was saying something about "internal peace" but what caught my fancy was the phrase "unclog the mind."  It was only then that I realized, in all the vacations I took, none one of them did feel restful to me; and all because my mind was not getting the rest my body was getting at the time. 


So the next time I get the chance to "vacay," I'll take it to heart to just forget about everything I left behind and move on forward. Walk towards the beach with no care for the world and take a dip in the warm waters of the Pacific.

 

Aaahhh. Finally.